Live-Blogging Top Chef 4.10

9:59 – Previously on Top Chef, Wedding Wars, baby! Dale is angry & bitter & tragically competent. Spike is a lazy, absurd jerk. And Nikki is finally, FINALLY eliminated. Only about 5 weeks later than she probably should have been.

10:00 – Apartment open. Everyone is still all tired from the cooking marathon. Spike interviews that Dale’s a-hole-dom will follow him through his career. Dude, no one is more of an a-hole than you, Spike. Andrew interviews that he’s got fire inside of him or something, I didn’t really pay attention because the next thing he says is that he feels like he’s either going to stab someone or cook something really good. OMG. I hope he stabs someone. That would make this show SO MUCH MORE AWESOME.

10:03 – To the Quickfire. Padma is here with gust judge Season 2 finalist Sam Talbot. Mmmm. Antonia & I agree that Sam is looking…good. The challenge is to re-sexy the salad.

10:04 – Food frenzy. Spike takes the challenge literally. He interviews that he wants to make something that says “let’s have sex after we eat this salad.” Okay, heh. The best thing is how seriously he says it. Lisa interviews that there are some people there who don’t deserve to still be there. Hmm. Well, actually, the only people I really think are obvious eliminations are Andrew & Spike.

10:06 – Time up, utensils down. Stephanie didn’t get everything on the plate. Sam doesn’t say much except thank you. Oh man, Antonia’s salad looks awesome, it’s got a poached egg on top and the yolk spills onto the salad. I’m hungry. Sam’s least favorites were Richard, Stephanie & Lisa. He liked Spike (dang it), Antonia & Dale. The winner is Spike (DANG it). Lame. At least he doesn’t get immunity.

10:09 – Elimination challenge. Sam & Padma bring in a couple of trays of fast food. Lisa & I agree that the fast food actually looks pretty good right about now. Confession: I LOVE fast food. I don’t care. It’s delicious. Sometimes there’s nothing I want to eat more than McNuggets & fries. Mmm…

10:10 – Ahem. Anyway, to introduce the challenge, Padma & Sam start preaching about obesity & eating healthy, but I’m still thinking about the McNuggets so I only hear about half of what they’re saying. And OMG, you know what’s awesome? McDonald’s totally has sweet tea now. YES. Not as good as Chick-fil-a sweet tea, but it’s $1 for like a quart! Mmmm…

10:11 – Oh yeah, the challenge. So the fast food they brought is typical lunch for officers & cadets for the Chicago Police Department. The challenge is to create healthy gourmet boxed lunches using at least one ingredient from all the major food groups. As the winner of the Quickfire, Spike gets a 10-minute head start on shopping & gets to choose one ingredient from each food group that no one else gets to use. Oh, that’s such a better advantage than the wedding team had.

10:15 – Whole Food for shopping. Spike goes first & aims to choose stuff that pisses people off. He chooses chicken, tomatoes, lettuce & bread. Antonia says he’s totally just thinking about how to screw the rest of them over & probably isn’t actually thinking too much about his own dish. Man, I hope so because Spike is gloating through the television. I want to slap him.

10:17 – Everyone is somehow really thrown off by Spike’s evil plan. Okay, he was a jerk, but what did they think was going to happen? He’d actually be kind of stupid NOT to use that to his advantage. Andrew tells us for the second time that he studied nutrition & Spike didn’t throw him off at all. And here’s that outside advantage thing again (e.g. Manuel’s tacos, Antonia’s single mother ace-in-the-hole, Nikki’s Italian non-leadership). He’s either going to be awesome or a total disappointment. Andrew waves some food at Stephanie & tells her to smell the success. Okay, Andrew would probably be growing on me, if only he wasn’t so crazy.

10:19 – Back in the kitchen, Antonia tells us she is once again abusing her single mother advantage & making the healthy food that won her the Common Thread challenge. Dale is once again doing an Asian dish. Andrew is doing sushi, going for the raw experience that I think he is thinking is a lot more appealing than I, for example, think it is. Lisa is going with shrimp, despite the cholesterol factor. Red flag!

10:21 – Tom C comes in for consultations. He asks Spike if he is using the precious tomatoes that everyone was mad at him for taking. He says he wasn’t going to, he was just going to put them on display like the doofus he is, but he decided to use them after all. Tom C doesn’t seem impressed by this glorious display of sportsmanship.

10:23 – Things are wrapping up when suddenly Lisa discovers that someone turned her rice onto high, burning it. Not good. She can’t believe someone sabotaged her. Stephanie & Dale both think that’s just her way of blaming someone for what was probably just a mistake. Lisa tries to salvage her dish by putting cooking liquid on top & hoping the steam from the microwave cooks the rice. Oh dear. Lisa’s dish is like covered in red flags.

10:27 – The chefs arrive at the police department in their product placement vehicles. They put instructions on their dishes to tell the officers how to heat up their dishes in the microwave. Richard asks everyone if they like burritos. Literally, everyone. The chefs point the way to the product placement microwaves & we get a lingering, glorious shot of the product placement logo.

10:30 – We see Spike’s marketing technique, only putting two dishes on the table, hiding the rest & telling everyone they’re going fast. Um, did I miss something? This isn’t one of those sell-as-many-as-possible challenges. What is the point of this? Lisa & I don’t understand.

10:31 – The judges come by. Stephanie’s soup doesn’t really look great in the plastic container, but the judges seem to like it. Spike’s chicken salad goes over poorly. The police & the judges like Dale’s lettuce wrap & Antonia’s single mom dish. Andrew over-explains to Ted Allen why he did sushi, but no one really actually likes the dish. The judges also notice Lisa’s rice issues.

10:40 – Backroom. Dale points out the rules about using one ingredient from four groups in the dish to Andrew, who realizes that he maybe didn’t. Touche, Mr. Nutrition. Padma shows up & asks for Dale & Stephanie. She stumbles over telling them they are the favorites, saying something like, “You are Top…2 Chefs for this challenge.” Did she think we were in the finale already? C’mon, Padma, you should know better. This season will NEVER END.

10:41 – Dale says that he mainly just tried to fill people up with his dish. Tom C says that the bison was pretty much like beef, only with less fat. Ted Allen tells Stephanie her soup was very well seasoned. Sam announces the winner…Dale. Nice! He gets some wine & a trip to Napa Valley. In interview, Dale points out that he has 5-for-20 wins. That’s pretty good. That’s the thing about Dale. He’s a good enough chef to stick around to the finals AND he causes enough rating-friendly drama that the producers want him around anyway. He’d really have to mess up to NOT make it to the finals.

10:42 – Dale sends back Spike, Lisa & Andrew. I really wouldn’t mind seeing any of these guys go. Andrew tries to defend his totally unsubstantial dish by mentioning the whole “I studied nutrition” thing like three more times. Dude, that is not helping. He says that he wanted to leave them wanting more, which pretty much answers the question about whether his dish was substantial enough. Tom C points out that the cops are totally not going to be satisfied with that meal & that when they get hungry again, which they will almost immediately, they’ll probably reach for a candy bar, not another roll. Touche, Tom. Andrew bitterly says that he took the challenge literally & gave them the healthiest dish he could. Tom C just wanted something, you know, good. Oh, Tom. You ask for too much. Andrew gives more attitude, saying that two people went back for it. Tom makes another good point saying that they went back because it wasn’t enough & they needed more. Touche again, Tom! Tom’s on a roll. And I’m about ready to call Andrew for elimination, except that he’s kind of crazy & the producers still need crazy. Does crazy outweigh douchebag? Cause Spike’s up next.

10:45 – Spike gets called out for using the ingredients because he felt like he had to because he chose them to screw the others over. Tom C says the flavors in the dish weren’t good. Spike is surprised & says that the “common person” thought it was amazing. Tom looks amused & says that if he wants to take the word of the common person over the judges’, who BTW hold your fate, that’s cool.

10: 46 – Surprise! Lisa is once again surprised that she is in the bottom 3. How does she not guess it’s because of the rice? Lisa tells the judges that someone screwed up her rice. Ted Allen questions her on whether she didn’t accidentally do it herself & she insists that she didn’t. I mean, that doesn’t mean that someone else didn’t accidentally do it. That doesn’t mean someone else sabotaged you, Lisa. Padma asks if anyone has anything else to add, which is an odd question because she’s never asked that before. Lisa…oh dear. Lisa totally calls out Andrew on not following the rules. Oh, that is so NOT COOL.

10:48 – The judges say that they’re aware of the violation. Well, you didn’t say anything. Andrew can’t believe it, but speaks up that he always goes against the grain. The judges clarify that he was aware of the rule. He says that he lost the rule sheet & he did the challenge without knowing all the rules. Then why did you say that you always go against the grain? Just say you weren’t aware of the rule, that sounds better than you did & blatantly decided to disregard it. Lisa speaks up that she didn’t know Andrew didn’t have the rules, but Andrew just wants to move on. Lisa says that he would have done the same to her, but Andrew insists that he didn’t.

10:49 – In the backroom, there is mass discomfort. Andrew is doing a calm, calculated glare of hatred at Lisa. He says that he helped her with the shrimp & she threw him under the bus & now he knows who she is. I mean, look, I didn’t think what Lisa did was cool, but I think Andrew is just mad now that he blew the nutrition challenge. Did he mention that he studied nutrition? Cause he did.

10:49 – The judges discuss Lisa’s food. They don’t buy the sabotage excuse & there’re other issues with the dish. Spike’s dish was just not imaginative. Andrew just didn’t meet the challenge & he just wanted to do what he wanted to do & didn’t even think about the challenge. In the backroom, the bickering continues. For once, Dale is not involved. The judges have come to a decision. It’s unanimous.

10:55 – Tom C’s self-esteem destruction speech. Someone is going home for a boxed lunch…Andrew, please pack your knives & go. Okay. I mean, I guess. I don’t like any of them. Andrew interviews that he won’t talk again but Spike. It totally figures that those two would be buddy buddies. Spike says they will be BFF forever & ever.

10:58 – Next week: the challenge of humiliation! Restaurant Wars is back! Hooray!